Let’s answer right away: school anxiety is an enormous problem. There are many reasons why it is, and some concern the very society in which we live and will live.
I myself remember the horrible oppressive feeling that school gave me for almost my entire school career, at least until graduation, so I fully understand the suffering one can experience when this occurs.
It truly becomes a nightmare, and ignoring or minimizing it can only leave children who suffer from it feeling more alone.
What is school anxiety?
School anxiety is not simply “not wanting to go to school” or being a bit nervous before an important test.
It’s a form of anxiety that affects about 2-5% of school-age children and can manifest very intensely, significantly interfering with the daily life of the child and the entire family.
It’s important to distinguish school anxiety from the normal nervousness that all children may occasionally experience. We’re talking about a persistent and disproportionate fear related to the school environment, which can involve different aspects:
- Separation from parents
- Fear of peer judgment
- Anxiety about academic performance
- Fear of being in an environment perceived as threatening
When we say “disproportionate,” we mean relative to what it should be. There are school environments that are truly a nightmare, and in that case it cannot be defined as disproportionate, but let’s face it: school anxiety persists.
Why is it such a big problem?
Anxiety represents an important obstacle to learning because it interferes with several fundamental cognitive processes.
When a student experiences high levels of anxiety, especially in school or evaluation contexts, their mental resources are largely absorbed by managing negative emotions, thus reducing their capacity for concentration, attention, and working memory.
This phenomenon has been extensively documented in scientific literature, which shows how anxiety generates a real mental “block,” making it difficult to process and memorize information, and often leading to a significant drop in academic performance.
In particular, recent studies emphasize that anxiety, whether general or specific (for example, math anxiety), can be both a cause and consequence of learning difficulties: on one hand, the fear of failing or being judged negatively reduces motivation and active participation; on the other hand, the repetition of negative school experiences further feeds anxiety, establishing a vicious circle that further compromises performance.
Furthermore, as highlighted by the Yerkes-Dodson model, excessively high levels of anxiety lead to distraction and forgetting of information, while only moderate and well-regulated levels can promote concentration and effective learning.
This data underscores the importance of educational strategies and psychological support aimed at recognizing and managing anxiety to promote more serene and effective learning.
What are the signs?
School anxiety manifests through a combination of symptoms involving body, mind, and behavior.
On the physical level, children may present:
- Recurring headaches
- Nausea
- Abdominal pain
- Muscle tension
- Panic attacks
What strikes parents most is that these symptoms are real – they are not “made up” – but have an emotional rather than medical origin.
From a behavioral standpoint, you might notice that your child begins to actively resist the idea of going to school. They may manifest inconsolable crying, outbursts of anger, or even attempt to hide.
Some children develop more subtle avoidance behaviors, such as deliberately slowing down morning routines or constantly “forgetting” school materials.
On an emotional level, school anxiety often presents with excessive worries about school, catastrophic thoughts about what might happen during the day, difficulty sleeping the night before school days, and a general sense of fear or terror associated with the school environment.
Don’t underestimate these signs, because they could lead to depression or other equally serious consequences.
The deep roots of school anxiety
Understanding the causes of school anxiety is fundamental to being able to address it effectively. There is rarely a single cause; more often it’s a combination of factors that interweave with each other.
Family factors play a significant role.
Important changes such as separations, divorces, bereavements, moves, or the arrival of a new sibling can destabilize the child’s emotional balance, making school an additional element of stress.
Parenting style can also influence: overly protective parents or, conversely, too detached ones, can contribute to the development of anxiety.
The school environment itself can be a source of anxiety.
Episodes of bullying, even those apparently “mild,” can have a profound impact.
Academic difficulties, particularly strict teachers, school or class changes, can all contribute to creating a negative association with the school environment.
We must not underestimate individual factors.
Some children are born with a more anxious temperament, are more sensitive to external stimuli, or have low self-esteem which makes them particularly vulnerable to social and academic pressures.
Finally, social factors such as excessive expectations from parents or society, peer pressure, or exposure to worrying news on social media or television, can amplify already present anxiety.
When does anxiety become a real obstacle?
School anxiety is not just a “whim” that will pass on its own.
If not adequately addressed, it can have significant consequences on the child’s well-being and the functioning of the entire family.
Children who suffer from school anxiety often show a decline in academic performance, not due to lack of ability, but because anxiety prevents them from concentrating and expressing their potential to the fullest.
Frequent absences can create a vicious circle: the more the child misses school, the more they feel behind with the curriculum, the more anxiety about returning increases.
Furthermore, the social isolation that often results can lead to difficulties in relationships with peers and a sense of exclusion that further feeds anxiety.
How can we help our children?
The good news is that school anxiety can be successfully addressed, but it requires patience, understanding, and a structured approach.
As parents, our first instinct might be to protect our child by keeping them at home, but this, while understandable, risks reinforcing anxiety rather than resolving it.
The most effective approach is gradual.
Collaboration with the school is essential.
Talk openly with teachers and the principal about the situation.
Many schools have specific protocols for managing school anxiety and can offer personalized support, such as the possibility of having a “safe place” where the child can go if they feel overwhelmed, or flexibility in schedules during the return phase.
Teaching your child anxiety management techniques can be very useful.
Simple breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation techniques, or age-appropriate mindfulness strategies can provide the child with concrete tools to manage moments of greatest stress.
It’s also important to work on thoughts. Help your child identify catastrophic thoughts (“If I go to school something terrible will happen”) and replace them with more realistic thoughts (“School can be challenging, but I’m capable of facing it”).
The crucial role of professional support
In many cases, support from a specialized professional can make the difference. Cognitive-behavioral therapy has proven particularly effective for school anxiety, helping children identify and modify thought patterns that feed anxiety.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help.
Indeed, recognizing when we need specialized support is a sign of maturity and love toward our child.
Psychologists and psychotherapists specialized in childhood and adolescence have specific tools to help children overcome school anxiety and can work both individually with the child and with the entire family.
Creating a supportive family environment
The family climate plays a fundamental role in the healing process. It’s important to maintain stable and predictable routines, which can give the child a sense of security. Mornings should be as calm and unhurried as possible, avoiding transmitting additional stress.
Listen to your child without EVER minimizing their fears.
Phrases like “It’s nothing serious” or “All children go to school” may seem reassuring, but risk making the child feel misunderstood. Better to say: “I understand that going to school is difficult for you, and together we’ll find a way to make it easier.”
Celebrate small progress.
Every step forward, even the smallest, deserves recognition and encouragement. This helps build the child’s confidence in their ability to overcome difficulties.
We are with you
We at Parentalife are by your side throughout the entire journey of parenthood. We support you with guides, courses, and with personalized consultations.
Remember, we are with you.
SOURCES
1. Morales-RodrÃguez FM, MartÃnez-Ramón JP, Narváez Peláez MA, Corvasce C. Understanding School Anxiety in Italian Adolescence through an Artificial Neural Network: Influence of Social Skills and Coping Strategies. Children (Basel). 2023 Oct 14;10(10):1688. doi: 10.3390/children10101688. PMID: 37892351; PMCID: PMC10605030.
2. Kawsar MDS, Yilanli M, Marwaha R. School Refusal. [Updated 2022 Jun 5]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2025 Jan. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK534195/